#54 Hooters
It's Sunday night. You and your bros just got finished having another epic weekend at the beach. Three of your bros banged slam pieces, another had like a $300 tab at the bar on Saturday, and one even went to prison for spanking a cop (honestly, if the cop didn't want to get spanked he shouldn't have been acting so naughty.) You're halfway home when one of your bros brings up a good point: he's fucking starving. After like a half hour debate about whether or not the new Boneless Asian Chicken at Wendy's will give you diahrrea, your bro in the front seat yells out, "Shut the fuck up!" That's when everyone looks up and immediately knows - it's time to get nice on some fucking buffalo wings.
Bros fucking love Hooters. When it comes to fine dining, bros know no other option. It's the bro equivalent of Morton's for non-bros aka people with no life. If you have never been to Hooters, you are not a fucking bro. Bros have been going to Hooters since the sprouting of their first pube. Hooters is basically like a strip club, but instead of lap dances there are grilled cheeses. Any time you can have smoking hot chicks serve you food in a tight ass shirt and tiny shorts, you fucking take advantage of it. Bros also agree that the food at Hooters is actually pretty shitty, yet still list it as their favorite restaurant. So what is it about the waitresses that keeps bros coming back? Let's take a look:
They think they are better than Hookers and Strippers - they think wrong - Honestly, how can you ever pretend to take yourself seriously if you are a fucking Hooters waitress? "Oh, I mean I'm a professional, I'm good at what I do, that's why I make all the tips!" You have a fucking huge rack, tight ass, and wear more makeup than half the clowns at the circus - that's your real talent. Since bros recognize that Hooters waitress are really no better than Craig's List Hookers, they love to treat them as such. Bros never look Hooters waitresses in the eye, always at their chest. Bros also love asking the waitress how much the beers are on tap. When she responds bros always ask, "Now how much for you?" This is always followed by an uproar of laughter, high fives, and a chanting of the name of whoever asked the question. Bros spend the entire meal debating which waitress they would most like to bang, but never can all agree on one. Bros should always try to bang their Hooters waitress and often times this happens, which is shocking since they are all whores. Having the Hooters girl serve you dinner and then banging her later that night is the closest thing to a date any bro should ever go on.
You pick where you sit - When a bro goes to Hooters, he goes with the intention of dropping some serious cash to get fucked up and eat a shitload of wings. This means there will be a big tip. Since they are spending a fuckload of money, bros want to ensure that they are getting the best the restaurant has to offer - this means no fat waitresses. There is nothing worse in the world (including cancer) than going to Hooters and getting a fucking orca whale for a waitress. Just becuase your fat doesn't mean you have big tits - they only appear big because of all the fat behind them, Porky. The worst was when a Hooters opened up nearby us in College. Obviously we hit it up the first four days it was open. The first three days were fucking money - we got smoking hot chicks both days, but then the fourth day happend. We were seated by the hostess who was probably getting a little creeped out by seeing us a fourth day, but fuck her - she was just pissed off that her Gonzo-like nose and acne prevented her from being an actual server. As we eyed the beer menu, we heard the greeting, "Welcome to Hooters, my name is (insert whore name here) and I will be your server." That's when we realized the atrocity which occurring right before our eyes: our Hooters girl was 8 months pregnant. Immediately we began screaming to the hideous hostess. "We want a fucking new section! We don't want this pregnant waitress!" In order to quiet us down so as not to disturb all the families seated nearby with the parents of the year that bring their kids to Hooters - they moved us to a hotter waitress. If there is one thing any bros out there need to take away from this entry it's this - never fucking settle for the ugly Hooters waitress. You're a bro. You are better than that.
Bros fucking love Hooters. When it comes to fine dining, bros know no other option. It's the bro equivalent of Morton's for non-bros aka people with no life. If you have never been to Hooters, you are not a fucking bro. Bros have been going to Hooters since the sprouting of their first pube. Hooters is basically like a strip club, but instead of lap dances there are grilled cheeses. Any time you can have smoking hot chicks serve you food in a tight ass shirt and tiny shorts, you fucking take advantage of it. Bros also agree that the food at Hooters is actually pretty shitty, yet still list it as their favorite restaurant. So what is it about the waitresses that keeps bros coming back? Let's take a look:
They think they are better than Hookers and Strippers - they think wrong - Honestly, how can you ever pretend to take yourself seriously if you are a fucking Hooters waitress? "Oh, I mean I'm a professional, I'm good at what I do, that's why I make all the tips!" You have a fucking huge rack, tight ass, and wear more makeup than half the clowns at the circus - that's your real talent. Since bros recognize that Hooters waitress are really no better than Craig's List Hookers, they love to treat them as such. Bros never look Hooters waitresses in the eye, always at their chest. Bros also love asking the waitress how much the beers are on tap. When she responds bros always ask, "Now how much for you?" This is always followed by an uproar of laughter, high fives, and a chanting of the name of whoever asked the question. Bros spend the entire meal debating which waitress they would most like to bang, but never can all agree on one. Bros should always try to bang their Hooters waitress and often times this happens, which is shocking since they are all whores. Having the Hooters girl serve you dinner and then banging her later that night is the closest thing to a date any bro should ever go on.
You pick where you sit - When a bro goes to Hooters, he goes with the intention of dropping some serious cash to get fucked up and eat a shitload of wings. This means there will be a big tip. Since they are spending a fuckload of money, bros want to ensure that they are getting the best the restaurant has to offer - this means no fat waitresses. There is nothing worse in the world (including cancer) than going to Hooters and getting a fucking orca whale for a waitress. Just becuase your fat doesn't mean you have big tits - they only appear big because of all the fat behind them, Porky. The worst was when a Hooters opened up nearby us in College. Obviously we hit it up the first four days it was open. The first three days were fucking money - we got smoking hot chicks both days, but then the fourth day happend. We were seated by the hostess who was probably getting a little creeped out by seeing us a fourth day, but fuck her - she was just pissed off that her Gonzo-like nose and acne prevented her from being an actual server. As we eyed the beer menu, we heard the greeting, "Welcome to Hooters, my name is (insert whore name here) and I will be your server." That's when we realized the atrocity which occurring right before our eyes: our Hooters girl was 8 months pregnant. Immediately we began screaming to the hideous hostess. "We want a fucking new section! We don't want this pregnant waitress!" In order to quiet us down so as not to disturb all the families seated nearby with the parents of the year that bring their kids to Hooters - they moved us to a hotter waitress. If there is one thing any bros out there need to take away from this entry it's this - never fucking settle for the ugly Hooters waitress. You're a bro. You are better than that.
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